Healthy relationships include good boundaries, balance, and equal support. There are many ways a relationship can become unhealthy. Codependency is one common form of unhealthy relationships.
Codependent relationships involve an imbalance of power. It can involve one person putting the other’s needs first. People with codependency often expend a lot of energy taking care of other people’s needs. They may avoid conflict, feel guilty for taking breaks, and have trouble setting boundaries.
Codependent behaviors can make relationships with romantic partners, family members, and others unhealthy. It is important to recognize this type of relationship and take steps to change the relationship’s dynamics.
This article will explore signs of codependency. You will learn:
- How to identify codependency
- How to manage codependency in your relationships
- Where to find mental health treatment and support
If you or someone you love needs treatment or support to manage a mental health condition or address relationship problems, you are not alone. Contact the Agape Behavioral Healthcare specialists to learn about our programs or schedule an intake appointment.
What is Codependency?
Codependency describes behavioral patterns within a relationship. A codependent relationship may seem imbalanced, with one person caring for the needs of others. Codependency can blur the lines between two people in a relationship so that it is hard to tell where one person ends and the other begins.
This type of relationship also involves other people leaning more heavily on the codependent person. People may stop caring for themselves after long periods of being cared for. The “helper” may feel drained, overwhelmed, and underappreciated.
Substance abuse experts first used the term “codependency” in the 1940s to describe relationships affected by alcohol addiction. They noticed specific patterns of enabling behaviors among family members and addicted people. Today, mental health professionals use this term to describe imbalanced, unhealthy relationships with these patterns.
4 Signs of a Codependent Relationship
Many codependent behaviors are learned behaviors. Changing these behaviors and working toward healthier, more balanced relationships is possible.
Identifying codependency is the first step toward addressing it. Here are four signs of a codependent relationship
Dependency
As the name implies, codependency involves dependent behaviors between people in a relationship. Codependent relationships occur when people rely on each other and the roles they play within their relationship.
For example, someone with an addiction may come to rely on their partner. The partner may come to rely on their role as a caretaker as a core aspect of their identity.
Dependency can cause severe stress within a relationship. Both partners may fear abandonment. They may struggle to communicate or feel pressured to act in specific ways.
Poor boundaries
People in healthy relationships have their own beliefs, goals, and interests. They work together to make healthy decisions that benefit both partners while being free to pursue their own interests. Both partners have their needs met within the relationship. These are signs of a relationship with healthy boundaries.
In a codependent relationship, one partner may spend their time meeting the other’s needs while sacrificing their own. The “caretaker” may simply accept whatever they can get from the other partner. They may set their own needs and goals aside to “help” their partner.
Over time, a lack of boundaries can lead to guilt, shame, frustration, and other emotional responses. Relationships without boundaries harm all people involved.
Reactivity
Codependent relationships may involve one partner feeling responsible for the other’s feelings. The “caretaker” may try to “fix” their partner’s sadness, anger, or anxiety. They may worry excessively if their partner is upset in any way.
This can lead to reactivity. The caretaking partner may make choices based on what will keep the other partner happy or content. They may go out of their way to avoid conflict. They may sacrifice their own needs to “keep the peace.”
Caretaking
Codependency can lead to unhealthy caretaking behaviors. The “caretaker” may believe if they stopped caring for their partner, everything would “fall apart.” They may believe their primary role in life is to take care of others.
Signs of caretaking include:
- Denying problems in the relationship
- Neglecting your own needs, desires, and goals
- Feeling responsible for a partner’s feelings
- Sacrificing your time and energy for your partner’s needs
- Feeling like the relationship is the only worthwhile part of your life
Healthy relationships can include taking care of others’ needs. However, codependent relationships involve “toxic caretaking” that harms the caretaker’s mental and physical health over time.
Managing Codependency
Codependency can exhaust caretakers and lead to increasingly toxic relationships. It is crucial to identify codependency and take steps to correct it.
Some ways to address codependency in your relationships can include:
- Working with a mental health professional to identify and treat relationship addiction, dependent personality disorder, and other mental health conditions
- Joining support groups to address codependency
- Practicing self-care
- Learning to set boundaries
- Pursuing your own interests
It can be challenging to overcome codependency. If you struggle to set and maintain boundaries or care for your own needs, you may benefit from working with a mental health professional.
Find Support Now
If you or someone you love needs mental health treatment or support, you are not alone. Contact the Agape Behavioral Healthcare specialists to learn about our programs or to schedule an intake appointment.
